August 17th, 2010

How To Tell Your Ninja You Love Them by Andy Erikson

It can be difficult to express emotion and love around your ninja, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to show your ninja that you care. The following is a list of 10 ways to subtly tell your ninja that you love them.

1. Put an extra shadow in their room.

Shadows are a part of a ninjas natural habitat. The more shadows the better.

2. Learn an Asian sounding language.

If you learn their language, you’ll be able to communicate to your ninja using words. Words are a good way to talk to people. Even ninjas.

3. Bow from your waist.

Don’t bow too much, you don’t want your ninja to think you’re gay.

4. Hug their best chopping bricks.

Hugging bricks is fun.

5. Buy your ninja an old wise grandpa they can learn from.

Old grandpas are the only way a ninja can get through the angsty ninja teen years. A crazy grandpa who talks about grasshoppers will work too.

6. If you need to punish your ninja, use the black belt to hit him with.

The black belt is the highest level belt. It will hurt emotionally but at least it won’t have a buckle on it. Your ninja will appreciate the gesture.

7. Don’t just say hi, say hiyuh!

This ties in with number 2 above. (learning an asian sounding language)

8. Die, so he can avenge you.

Ninjas love avenging things.

9. Crouch like a tiger and hide his dragon.

Your ninja will realize that you’re acting out a really good ninja movie and he will be full of joy. Don’t lose his dragon though. You don’t want to worry about finding a dragon later.

10. Instead of giving him throwing stars, give him throwing hearts.

Ninjas love throwing shapes.

Alright, once you’ve done all of these things, your ninja will assume you love them, and you won’t have to worry about him attacking you or your immediate family while you sleep. You are welcome. Or as they say in Japanese, どういたしまして

-Andy Erikson
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www.andyerikson.com