I’ve Never Meta-Pizza I Didn’t Like

Without the distractions of the daytime crowds, grocery shopping late at night yields many more hidden gems amongst the aisles. On a recent twilight excursion I found myself standing in the refrigerator section staring at one of the most delightful cultural hybrids ever: pizza-flavored hummus.

It occurred to me that up until now I had been limiting myself to pizza only in its natural state. It was obvious what I had to do next — find as many pizza-flavored items as I could and turn them into a pizza.[Editor's note: Sweet Jesus.]

Two grocery stores, one gas station, and a couple of strange looks from the cashier later and I had my haul: Pizza Supreme Doritos, Pizzalicious Pringles, Pepperidge Farm Flavor Blasted Xplosive Pizza Goldfish crackers, Pepperoni Pizza Combos, and of course, the pizza hummus.

Our fingers coated in bright orange powder, the gentle aroma of fake cheese and tomato, and my pizza assistant and I had assembled our masterpiece. (Goldfish dyed red for added effect. Oooooh!)

Dazzle in the ultimate pizza-ness of the pizza-flavored pizza!

Pizza party in your mouth? Definitely.